Happy New Year.

I love you all. Especially you.

Grad shoes. :)

So um... yeah. $30 at Le Chateau. On Boxing Day. Yes, indeed, I think I won. Hahah.

But the story with these heels go much further than just Boxing day. I just fell in love with them when I first saw them at Grandview Corners all the way back in October I think. but they were $45 at the time and I was not loaded that day. I really liked them a lot though. And then just last week, I saw them again! at Surrey Central and they were $40...I must admit, I was quite tempted...after all, what are the chances of seeing them again! AND they were even cheaper than last time...but I didn't...I held back. And I made a deal with God about shoes. Haha. I talked to him and said that if I saw them one more time, I was gonna buy them, so...if he didn't want me to get them for grad, he'd better not let them in my sight again. I was also sure that if I ever saw them again, it would be on Boxing day. :)

So boxing day came around, and shoes aren't really that big of a deal to me... I'm a stingy type of cheap person...mommy and daddy never paid for all the worldly goods I wanted and I learned values from that. These shoes were different. So the third time that I saw them on Boxing Day...I asked the girl for my size...6 to try 'em on and make sure I could not only walk, but run in them. :) and I could.

Apparently, the pair I got was the last pair they had in my size and they were $29.99 so...yeah....I'm very satisfied.

Grad dress: $83
Grad shoes: $30
Grad date: Priceless. ;)

My pro cooking skills. :P

Lately, I've had a little trouble figuring out what to have for breakfast so...I googled "What should I have for breakfast?" and I found a wonderful blog that tells me so. It's called whatshouldieatforbreakfasttoday.tumblr.com. yep. haha :)

:)

I got heels. They are pretty. :)

...

And all the wonder and glamour of last night vanished in the stark whiteness of morning. All that's left are stains and memories.

Readin' the Big Book of Holyness

Yeah. My bible reading is so irregular and sporadic. But I like it that way. Trying to reading the entire library in order is so....boring. I just want to pick any book of the shelf and read it.

Which books I read also really depends on my mood. For example, a couple of days ago, I was in a not-so-nice mood. Then I decided to go and start reading Lamentations...'cause I was lamenting my own situation. Lucky me, it was a short book and within a couple of sporadic readings, I finished it. And it really is depressing. Like it has cannibalism in it.... and it's all talk of how God forsakes us and stuff...

One day, I hope to finish reading this library of 66 books. But the trouble is...how will I know which ones I've read if I haven't read them in order? Oh well. Whatever. xD

My next adventure shall be!! Ruth.

I am discontented

=(

I should be much happier than I am. But paradise seems a lifetime away and I can only think of how lonely and cold I feel in this moment.

I am quite

tired.
slow.
content.
satisfied.
vulnerable.
determined.
adored.
out-spoken.
alive.
me.

Lord

You know what I find awesome? I don't think it's weird to talk to God and call him Lord anymore. It used to seem so weird to me. Like The Lord Hath SPOKEN! (even though it pretty much is like that) but what I saying is that in the last couple of months, talking to God isn't weird. Like it used to be kinda odd because I felt like I was talkin' to some Almighty Creator of the Universe have didn't really have the time to care much about the meager things in my life, but now it's like I'm talkin' to the Almighty Creator of the Universe who does kinda care about my meager little life. :D

It's just recently I've realized that the incredible thing about having a relationship with the Lord is that he is Lord of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING and he has CREATED the ENTIRE WORLD and awesome things like...your face. But even with all that amazing stuff on his resume [ ;) ] he still loves me [and you and everyone else] and wants to have a close relationship with me. I mean, kinda makes sense...wouldn't you wanna know the person whose life you died to save? Yeah. Anyways.

Main point: I can now use the word Lord without feeling like the minuscule human being that I am compared to God. [even though that is what I am anyways...compared to everyone. xD]

Bored In Media Arts. started Picniking. Bam.

Being Hannah

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Sarah Mclachlan. She had a good singing voice and she looked kinda pretty. So then she grew up and become a Canadian singer. Lapow.

les vieux personnes

aujourd'hui, mon classe francais et moi avons alles a la foyer maillard. c'est un retirement home.
and we sang to them in french. it was odd. it was funny.

Lachlan.

Yes. I know. We're MOST LIKELY not gonna get married. Buddy, we're like what.. 17? But talking about this is really stupid right now because we're not even really together at all. And saying things like I'll have another husband and you'll have some other wife, and we'll be friends and everything just sounds like this thing we've got going is doomed to termination. And seeing as we say things like 'I love you' and things like that...what's the point if we're so sure it's never happening?

I just don't like thinking of an end to this yet.

...And I know you wouldn't mind being the awesome husband. Who wouldn't want to be married to me?
(jokes!)

j'aime blogger.

dear people who read this blog,

I have a confession to make. And that is I think that you're cool. :)

lots of love,
nancy le

blog. blog. blog.

Dear people of the world,

hi.


love,
nancy le

Guess what.

I didn't get to poke your face.

During Spare

Hi there. This is Nancy Le speaking. Or typing.
Nancy Le is quite irritated currently because Nancy Le is trying to actually make some headway during her spare but she is unable to because her learning environment is being disrupted by a group of loud eigth-graders who have hijacked the library.
So unfortunately, if Nancy Le is unable to complete her online Law course, she is not going to complete the requirements for university entrance at Simon Fraser University where she aspires to earn her Bachelor of Arts degree majoring in French.

Nancy Le quite enjoys typing in third person. It makes her feel like she is the main character of a book or something. She will now end her tirade of pointless whining and complaints and she will make her way to the academic counsellor's office to sign up for a Math 10 provincial exam because she may increase her chance of the $1000 scholarship.

Nancy Le bids you all farewell. And this basically means... Good day to Miss C, Miss F, Miss D

And the ever consistent Mr. M

Car Crash

So today while driving down Fraser highway, I witnessed a car accident. It was mildly traumatizing though it wasn't THAT bad. some guy just rear-ended another guy's car and the front part of the rear-ender's car car fell off. I hope the other guy's not too badly injured but my sister tells me that he'll probably have at least some minor back injuries.

But after having witnessing that, I've realized that it's actually not that hard to get into a car accident. I've never actually witnessed an accident happen like that before and I've only ever heard them on the news...So now I sort of understand why I'm not allowed to drive alone even with my N. Sucks. But at least I won't be rear-ending anyone.

Man, it was scary.

Inadequate

I am going to try and sum up my feelings of last night.
Even though I am no longer feeling them anymore, so this is going to be quite difficult.

Never mind. I can't do it.

It's too complicated.

Today

My alarm clock went off at 7:15am. I turned it off. Went back to bed. Slept until it was 7:45am. Got up. Took a shower. Brushed my teeth in the shower. Washed my hair for the first time in 4 days in the shower. Got out. Dried my hair. Got dressed. Made breakfast, ate breakfast. Put lunch in my bag. Went to school.

After school. Vocal jazz. Ate brownies that Bella baked. Jammed with Mr. Myung after Vocal Jazz. Got picked by my mother. Dropped Christina off at the Skytrain station. Went home. Took a nap. Woke up at 7:45pm. Ate a sandwich.
.............Went on Facebook. Went on Twitter.

blerb.

beep.bop.boop.berb.bleep.bloop.

The Future Looms

Hi there everyone,
I'm feeling very frazzled right now, just a side effect of thinking about the future and thinking about a job and all that crap. My mom really wants me to go major in French and then get some government job, but I feel like a government job means a desk job in a cubicle and that not only doesn't appeal to me... it frightens me. I don't want to waste away in some tedious position that I abhor and detest... I don't want to be stuck in one place all my life. I want to go places, be a part of moving forward... I want to spend my career pushing the limits of creative thinking and artistic expression, not stuck in a box working with someone over me telling me where the line has been drawn.
Argh. Argh. Argh.

I am afraid. I am afraid of the future and what it could possibly hold for me. I am afraid of being forced to become something I don't want to be. I'm afraid of working at a job that pays well, but one that I hate.


I'm so afraid for next year.

ONE DAY

I decided to get a life. And guess what? It didn't work.



I need to do my BIBLE WORLDVIEW PROJECT!!!!! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't written a poem in awhile

Love is the white rose in full bloom in the middle of May
It is the soft, cool wind that touched your skin and sends warm shivers down your spine.
Love is the sunlight peeking through dark, grey clouds on a melancholic and gloomy day.
It is the feeling that propels you to protect and serve.
It is the commitment that leads you to honor and support.

Love is the gravity to sticks you to the Earth.
It is unwavering, reliable, and the most powerful of hurricanes.
Love is the Tsunami that sweeps over and has the power to take, destroy, and wreak utter havoc, but doesn't.
It is the idea that spurs your mind to give up all traces of facade.
It is the command that stirs your heart to open up to complete vulnerablity.

Let us love not with words, but with action and in the truth....



Based on my experiences, teachings, and the Bible. What do I know of love? I'm just a 17 year old.

Ma Vie.

Alors....serieusement, J'aime vraiment mon abilité parler et écrire en francais...J'aime le langue plus beaucoup....bleugh....

cool.


Top Ten List of Awesome Stuff:
1.I got my green goggles of awesome ness!
2.My grad dress is done!! It's so pretty.
3.^ now I get to go find heels. >:D
4.I'm actually kinda doing stuff in Law 12... it's sort of working for me
5.Next Thursday is the Fall Music Concert....:P It's gonna be awesome
6.My blanket still smells good even though I washed it like two weeks ago
7.I think I didn't fail my biology test. I think I maybe kinda did good...ish.
8.I think I'ma preorder the book The Fault in Our Stars...just because I've so far read one of his books and I'm currently on another and.....yeah....:P
9.My room has been kinda clean the past four days... it's record!!
10.I just handed in my resume and I may or may not be called in for a wet screen on Wednesday.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Happy!! IS I!!! I is hAPPY!!!.. je suis trés content maintenant. Je t'aime Seigneur!!! Tu as donné moi plus des bénédictions!!!! I like going to church. It's fun. It's like....always in the top three things of my weekend. Seriously.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I made an awesome simile using my knowledge of biology and I don't want to forget it...so I'm post it here.

"I miss you like a nucleotide would miss its purine base"
                                                        - Nancy Le, October 26th 2011




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





:) I love you all. Thank you for existing.

Romeo and Juliet : Oh the Idiocy!

Okay, I know that I will probably get a lot of hate for this blog,but you know what? I don't really care all that much, so long as my opinion gets heard.

I think that Romeo is just another infatuated teenager and Juliet is no better. Romeo's track record as we know it is Rosaline and then Juliet. In the beginning he is "oh so in love" with this one chick who's decided to take a vow of chastity and become a nun and Romeo's uber heartbroken because A. This absolutely eliminates any relationship between, B. He wants to get with her. In bed.
So poor little teenaged Romeo really likes this girl and can't have her, so he's whining and sulking in his room writing poetry and speaking in pentatonic way...Then his wonderful cousin named Benvolio whisks him away to a party of their archenemy and then he once again "falls in love" with Juliet. And Juliet being the stupid 13 year old she is just takes the bait ditches the celebrity prince and a week later, they all die. Wonderful.

I'm just not seeing the amazing romance here. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe I should see the romance and ignore all the bs I see in it. Meh.

Birthday Girl

Hi there, nice to meet you. Thank you very much.

So. I'm 17. Whoopee! I am now old enough to get my N. Yaaaayyyy....

Okay. That was a short blog.

My Day Aujourd'hui : Garage/Coaching/My Date Tomorrow

Bonjour, mes amis! Et bienvenue a mon page... Aujourd'hui je parlerais aux ma vie... oh my goodness... mon français est mauvais vraiment...serieusement....

Anyways!! Hi there. It is I. The Nancy of Your Dreams. or Nightmares. Whichever Tu Est Preféré.



Garage
So. I have some friends who kind of suck at making plans ahead of time. They're the more last minute type people. But that's okay. So last night at 9pm something at night, I received a call and was asked to go to Grandview Corners and since we'd already discussed this and I thought it had been cancelled, apparently had been revived. And I had kinda had my eye on these pair of pants..[at ze store called GARAGE].but I didn't think I was gonna get 'em so whatever...right? Right. 'Cause I'ma tryna be FRUGALISTICAL. But I tried 'em on...and they were SUPERCALLIFRAGGILISTICALLY comfortable to like the EXPIALIDOCIOUSIST degree. So... I borrowed money from my buddies' mom and from the cashier person... 'cause I didn't wanna get change from a ten dollar bill when all I needed was like 31 cents...BUT I GOT AWESOME PANTS!!! YAYY!! and I kinda really felt bad about borrowing money from my buddies' mom even though I'd already paid her back...so I'ma bake up some cookies for her. :P
Cookies make everything better. True story.

Coaching:
Today, I had to coach three little monkeys how to swim. One's uber talkative and distracted. One's super duper competitive and another's cute and cuddly and can't swim. It's a hard life, I tell ya. It's so....hard to coach when everyone's at such a different level... I was so scared at the beginning though. I haven't taught in awhile... Meh. I needn't bother with them for the next two weeks though.

My Date Tomorrow:
With a certain pretty dame. That's right. She's coming over to bake cookies and for my mother to inspect her wonderfulness. Here's where my stupidity comes in.... So I have this thing where I think that there is a certain ladder of popularity in school and it is that LAW. Like there are people that are on the second to highest rung and they mustn't mingle with those in the lower middle rungs...And this friend of mine is kinda one of those top people and I'm one of those lower/middle persons. So...yeah. I'm baking cookies with her for our Junior Friday Vocal Jazz group...which we are gonna be holding practice for on Mondays.... lol... yeah... this should be interesting. :)


Life is inexplicably great. Some moments are kinda sucky. Some moments are kinda awesome. It's all a part of the beauty.

Andrew Potter

:)

He has funny hair. He's got funny dance moves. He's kinda funny-looking... haha, no...that's mean. He's cool. I first realized the existence of this fellow almost a year ago. He came to my school from Russia and he had a funny accent. He arrived in math class one day and was seated behind me and the rest was history. He hung around and made friends everyone but in the end, he decided that my group of people were the coolest and he chooses to bless us with his presence every lunch time.

He has two darling looking sisters who are both younger than him and he plays guitar like a semi-pro.
Also, I'm lucky enough to sit next to him in media. He's a funny boy. He's my friend.

But he's not always that awesome. Well...he kinda is. There are times of awkwardness and fobbyness, but those don't last very long. Most people genuinely like this kid. I mean, adult... He's like..19. He's my 19 year old Russian friend.

and without him, I wouldv'e never known the magnificence of Vitas. Thanks buddy.

P.S: his name is actually Andrei Gontcharov. I just translated it. Bwahaha.

My Immune System

Awesome sauce. All of the enzymes and hormones and golgi bodies are working and it's great. Now I have homework to attend to. Just watch me drift and read The Book Thief instead. Classic Nancy.

My Confused Digestive System

I am pretty damn sick right now and it sucks because when you're in the twelfth grade and very involved in the music program, you don't really have the time to be pretty damn sick. Also, it's really painful.......and right now I'm watching my covers on youtube to distract myself from the pain of it. Yup, that's right, I have sunk that low. And the funny part is, it's working.

The pain of listening to my own recorded voice singing somehow magically overrides the pain of my confused digestive system. The sad part is that this morning when I first awoke from my fleeting slumber at like 7:15am, I felt perfectly fine...and then I moved....and apparently my stomach very reluctantly complied.

Let me try to demonstrate to you the pain that I am...which is a lot better than yesterday because yesterday I had  headache and a fever for part of it...Okay fine, it's not that bad....but it's still pretty bad...like it's .....ugh!!! I'm mad at my digestive system. Blegh.

Sick.

I feel like I have a really crappy immune system. I get sick so easily. I guess this is payback for all those times in elementary school that I didn't get sick. Oh well. It's part of the frailties of being a human.

My Two Personalities: Doing Homework

"I. Am. Behind".

"No, I'm not. Why would I be behind? Psh...you craaazy."

"I have homework to do."

"Yeah...not much though...it can wait..."

"Not much?? There's bio, choir, jazz, french..."

"Yeah? So? That's it? Oh my goodness, Nancy, you have to SING for homework, it's not that hard..."

"YES IT IS!!!!!! And bio...oh, bio........"

"Oh my goodness! If you're that worried, just shut up and do it!"

"Okay fine! I will!"

*takes out homework*

...

*looks at homework*

10 seconds later...

*puts homework away and goes to sleep*

1

The only one...

Blessed

So it's Thanksgiving, a holiday where we are all forced to remember how blessed we are to possessed the things that we do, and remember how grateful we should be for all of the wonderful things in our lives. But what if we have a sucky life? What is there to thank God for if it feels like waking up every morning is a dreaded thing. What do we do then? Here's the answer and if you're in this position, you're gonna hate it and not do it, but here's the answer: Thank God anyways. It's not just ignoring the bad things in life and pretending everything is perfect, it's embracing the not-so-great situations and figuring out the reason it's there and being grateful for that.

" Rejoice always, pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."  - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18



Fortunately for me, the Lord has rained multiple blessings and has made a great work in my life. I have wonderful family and friends even though there are a lot of times when they get on my nerves, or I get on theirs (mainly the latter). I have the blessing of going to a Christian school where I am surrounded by so many figures of caring, loving teachers. I've got a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear. A laptop to feed my addiction to Facebook. The ability to sing. Free healthcare.[ Gosh, it's becoming a list]. And food. We cannot forget food. So many things to be grateful for. I just love life in general. For now.

Re: Cuddling/Highlights of the Gathering.

My cuddling needs were met yesterday which makes me really happy. In the presence of all my friends. In the dark. During Inception. "Come closer Ryan...come closer..."

Tempting? I think so. [No, it really wasn't tempting at all. ;) ]

Besides that, I actually for real had a birthday party thingy yesterday and it didn't completely suck...in my opinion. Which is pretty awesome and I don't think that I completely failed at being a hostess. Oh my goodness.

Three highlights of the night that made things extra awesome:

1. While blowing out the candles, I left none...which meant that I'm not gonna have any boyfriends. Now we all know how ironic that would be...Me of all people not have a single boyfriend. Maybe it's because I'm married though...

2. When I opened a wonderful gift from Hannah, Bianca, Victor, and sort of Toren, and I found two beautiful wonderful bras inside and I basically laughed my head off for like 5 minutes straight, my face must have been so red....Oh man...One of them was really pretty though...the red one with black lace...haha, I also got some candles from Toren himself...maybe there's some seducing in my future? ;) 

3. When I pushed Ryan Mock out of my house. And his mom looked amused. Because when she was coming to pick him and my brother Alex up...he was kinda stuck behind me and him tryna put his converse on...and his mom wanted him outside or something...So then I pushed him out...of my house. and his mother looked amused.

The movie was okay. The fire was freakin' awesome. The gifts were...they made me smile because people actually thought through what they were gonna give me and if they didn't end up giving me anything, I was pretty glad that they came anyways...because you have no idea how scared I was that this shindig was goona fail and no one would come and everything would suck. So contrary to my pessimistic expectations, it was pretty awesome. :)

Shiiiiiieeeeettttt!!!

I gots a partay today and I gots to get ready for it!!!!!

Which means... HOUSECLEANING!!! fml.   =_="

Cuddling.

My cuddling needs are not being met. Grrr.... *cute asian pouty face*

"Interesting question."

That first day that I explored,
you gave me the entire tour.
A new place that I've never seen
where first kisses could have been.

And I walked through your memories,
jumped into your past.
You let me in completely
even though I never asked.

And the feelings that rushed through me; they're almost gone
But these words that echo in my head, they play like a song.
You're the one, you are the one.
You're the one, you are the one.

Lying here near your heart
staring into space.
The seconds keep ticking in my head;
we've got none to waste.

So confess to me all your heart's desires,
I've got mine to share.
Let's use the moment to our advantage
We have no time to spare.

And the feelings that rushed through me; they're almost gone
But these words that echo in my head, they play like a song.
You're the one, you are the one.
You're the one, you are the one.

But 12:40's on the clock and we've got to end this dream.
I've got to leave this place before they figure out our scheme.

Hold me one more time, before I go away.
Don't know if I'll come back again any other day.


And the feelings that rushed through me; they're almost gone
But these words that echo in my head, they play like a song.
You're the one, you are the one.
You're the one, you are the one.

 Lo and behold, as I turned around
it's only you that I see.
What I saw in your eyes, I will never forget.
They were speaking to me, saying...

You're the one, you are the one.
You're the one, you are the one.

You're the one, you are the one.
You're the one, you are the one.

On Baptism

So today I got baptized (*applause* "Praise the Lord!" "Amen!") and it was pretty awesome. 

My testimony was pretty long and my hands were shaking the entire time I was reading it. But before all of this, I was just holding it and crumpling it up so by the time I was in front of everyone, I had to open up this crumpled sheet of paper. the audience got a good laugh out of it. Calmed a bit of the nerves.

It's odd because I remember everything so clearly. Walking slowly into the frigid waters of Crescent Beach...Being plunged into it...and then being pulled out...I remember so clearly the picture of the water closing up on top of me (I guess I didn't close my eyes) and when I got pulled back out...a verse came to me (Oh how cheesy and stereotypical Nancy Le, of course you'd have a random verse come to mind while being baptized...Pfft..) and it was Mark 1:9-11
"At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. ¹⁰ Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. ¹¹ And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

and it was just awesome...

Honestly, I don't feel any different now that I have been baptized...in the words of HFriesen on her baptism "There was so much leading up to that point and then...it was over. Anticlimactic much."
But when you're in the moment, getting baptized...or even before when you're giving your testimony...Well, for me...it was all quite emotional...Even though I didn't cry... I made my sister cry... (Oh darling Nina)
Haha...so yeah...
Now I can say I've been baptized. Cool.

Spare: Law 12

So since I wasn't super great with sticking to that plan this summer.. I kinda failed.. so I resent the form thingy and everything and hoped for the best....

New Beginnings...

I feel like right now I should be writing something about life and endings and graduation and being a senior but nah.... It's still summer. Schools started. I've got some goals. Hopefully they shall be reached.

Music Video Making.

The Only Exception.

Blergh. It's going great and wonderful and awesome. The video's perfect...and it ends with them together.

Now how do I apply that to real life?

If only.

Oh well... I won't let that get me down. There's always time. Unless death occurs..

Though it probably won't. Hopefully.

Same Page

Good to know that I'm not alone in having these thoughts.

Just You + Me.

So wonderful.

Start Time : 2:47am

I'm awake. Fatigue level..mild... Happiness level...pretty good...
It's pretty late and I don't think I've ever blogged this late before.. However...I kind of love it...because under special circumstance..like being tired.. I do not really care what comes out of my mind... So that results in a very interesting conversation over Facebook with a certain boy I'm enraptured by. I wonder if..since all of facebooks conversations are saved there in their archives ..if some creep might creep on these conversations....:)

Funny thought..

One Of Those Moments.

I came up with this masterpiece during a hot shower in the guard room at Hjorth Outdoor Pool during my break.
Amazing, the moments you can have in the shower.




Roses are red
Violets are blue
There is no doubt
that our love is true.

Next Time

So I got to see you today. That's good enough for me. :)

Last Day of Swimming.

Today was the last day of swimming practice. No more swim practices. Whatever am I going to do with my afternoons now? It's going to feel kind of odd after having devoted so much of my summer to it, but I see this as finally getting a chance to chill to the rest of the summer.

School starts up again pretty soon. For the last time. Just think... in ten months, I'll have graduated high school. And in a little over a year, it'll be October 24th 2012.

Today was the last day of swim practice, but it was also the first day of the rest of my life.

Amazing

I never knew how much of my mood relied on her. Seriously. Well, maybe I did, but it was never fully realized because up until now,things have been fine and dandy. Not that things aren't fine and dandy, it's just annoying...and stupid...and bleurgh....It's a wonderful, sunny day outside today...What a pity I can't fully enjoy it...Sigh, sigh, sigh....

I'm stupid. You're stupid. We're all stupid.

I'm grumbling. I just sighed. My hair looks retarded.

Lesson learned: Don't be stupid.

On Another Note.

I really really REALLY badly want to eat some McDonald's right now...........................oh Big Mac!! Come to me!!! and take along your companion, FRENCH FRIES!!!!!! Please!!!

Sighs.

Argh.

Omegle - Kader from Algeria

Out of Ideas!?/Descriptions/Itinerary?

I'm really stupid. Moody today. Blaaah!!! I keep trying to make a new blog post but all the things I come up with just aren't good enough!!! It all just seems so meaningless when it's written on the screen. Like the value and worth of the words I type out diminishes with every letter I press. It's so stupid because in my mind, there are so many things that I want to express and so many emotions that I want to share...but I can't!! there are so words, there is nothing that I can say or type that would ever accurately relate the things I am experiencing to the reader. Oh well, too bad.

So here I am. Sitting in my living room. On a beige, leather, sectional sofa. Wearing short black Nike shorts, a white spaghetti-strapped tank top, and a red hoodie that's a tad too big and lacking the end of its zipper.

I started the day off with morning swim. I came home. Changed and laid in bed for ten minutes. Let four tears escape me. Wrote on my calendar. Got up, turned on my laptop, ate food, got ready for volunteering. And now I am here.

Dissection.

I have carefully dissected the tangle of emotions that I sometimes get.

Excited. Anxious. Anticipation. Happiness. Desire. Relief.

It makes me feel like jelly.

Ernestine

I met her today. Her name tag said "Ernie" and I wondered aloud if that was truly her name. She said yes and that she had only met two other Ernestines in her life so far. She's 54 year old. I was surprised when she told me her age so blatantly. Usually, women are more conservative with that part of themselves. She was quite nice for a cashier. A 54 year old one working after 7pm on a Friday night. I bought a single stemmed rose for a project. I love how spontaneous I can be.

Meeting Ernestine was great. A small moment of my life shared with a total stranger's. but she'll never know my name. Oh well. I'll be remembered by her as the teenaged girl who purchased a rose with a jug a 1% milk.

 The first gesture she did to me was wink at me. And the last thing she said to me was "Have a great night" or something like that...

Options

1. We'd be together, happy as can be.
2. We'd be together, one or both of us unhappy, It ends.

1a. Lead perfect lives, live comfortably and happily together.
1b. Lead average lives, maybe not so comfortably, but happy.
1c. Something happens, poor. But happy.
Married? Kids? Apartment? House?


2a. Mutual ending of the relationship, stay friends, it's all good.
2b. Someone gets dumped, not exactly close friends, but friends. (dumped, such a bad sounding word)
2c. Dumped, again, this time, there's no chance of being friends, never talk again.
2d. (if married) divorce.
2e. (if kids) custody?
2f. Someone falls out of love, and back in with someone else, either cheats, or leaves to be with them instead. (possibly even moves away)

On the Tarp

He tried to initiate today. It worked. I'm happy. :)

I Do Not Know What To Write

Ello there! And how art thou on this fine night? I am good. Thanks for asking. Just blogging in the dark at 9:48pm. Not much to report except I'm on Facebook as usually. Oh how my life will end if it ever crashes...If that ever happens, back to Hotmail I go! Blog blog blog, today was an okay day, nothing extraordinary happened. Morning swim, volunteer, Facebook, nap, swim...same old routine. Not that I'm complaining. Blah blah blah...just pretend that I wrote something deep and wordy back there. No one will ever know!


I wonder what I'll dream of tonight. I don't remember my dreams in detail. But I know what I'll be thinking about right before I fall asleep. Always, every night, same thing... I'm starting to wonder if it's conscious thing or not...I doubt it...my mind just instantly jumps to those memories every chance that I let it. It's stupid really, the musings of a teenaged girl right before bed...I certainly hope no one knows what I'm talking about except one, but oh well...(9:57pm) I have probably given too much away already...

It is currently two to ten and tomorrow morning I have morning swim practice to attend to. One minute til ten...Blog blog blog...This post has been sub-par.

Good night. I love you.

Another Ending?

"She said she just doesn't want me getting hurt."

Reasonable request, but how realistic does that seem? There are more ways to getting hurt than just me breaking his heart. Ways like an end to our only means of seeing one another...I know if it happens the way it seems to be, then I'll be hurt as well...hurt, but with hope that there's a light at the end of the tunnel...but does it justify his future sadness as well? There was once a time when I thought so...a different lifetime when it felt like everything was worth it in the end. There was once a time when I believed that there were suitable sacrifices to be made and tears that were worth shedding over a future that didn't end up happening...Could this be the case again? Is there really anything worth just one moment of hurt? I wish I could say yes, but past events have forced me to answer with a negative. There's nothing that's worth seeing him in pain. But my control only goes so far, and there are things beyond it that determines which path our lives will take. All the options that I see before me, all the paths that seem to be unfolding...none of them seem too optimistic except the one with the least chance of happening.

All I can do is wait and hope.

Blog

It is currently 9:35pm and I am bored. My love just signed off and I have nothing to do except wait for tomorrow. Okay that is a huge lie. I could be cleaning my room, eating food, going to sleep early, reading the last book of the Hunger Games, screwing around on Youtube, reading the bible, doing devotions...but none of that calls to me. I just want to blog about my life because it's what I do...[9:37pm] so tomorrow, I have no morning swim practice. YAY!!. But I am also missing afternoon practice to attend my cousins birthday party. I think my mother and sister don't approve of my swimming so often, which is truly unfortunate because I definitely don't. (My love's back! YAY! But I shall keep blogging) And yeah...oh well...something else that's attacking my mind currently is the weird thing going on between my love's mom and me...which is really weird...I do not know what is happening, but it doesn't seem to be positive. Honestly, I just think she has a staple bias...that since I have decided to fall for him, she's just gonna be that much more critical on me. I wonder if she thinks I'm stealing him away from her...which is a horribly ridiculous idea...he's her son...[9:44pm] There's not much damage I could do there...not that I'd want to...if it was a me vs. her thing, I'd forfeit...I'd still love him and I wouldn't give him up, but I'd forfeit. I'd let her do whatever she wanted, think whatever she wanted to...and be an oyster...
Am I over analyzing this? No, I'm a girl...it's what I do. But while I'm on the topic (I certainly hope my anxiety is entertaining you)...I'm still scared of her. She's amazingly intimidating. I could just imagine having a conversation with her that turned into a total interview.If it comes to that, I certainly hope I pass.
I'll be prepared. I don't think she trusts me with her darling beloved son...Oh well...what can I do. Be a suck up and exclaim how wonderfully her nails are done and comment on her new dangly earrings? Screw that. I would hate myself even if that did work.

F.R.M.L.

Hey there, I think you're really hot.

No One's Going To Believe Me.

But I don't care.


I love you.

Analyzations: Faith

Had my parents not forced me to start attending FVCHS/SCS, and I was still with my illegit, atheist, waste-of-potential, lazy ass boyfriend (trust me, he agrees with me...not that he doesn't have any good points...)...I am almost 100% sure that I wouldn't be a follower of Christ right now. How could I accept that the one I loved would be going to Hell and suffer in the place where there will be "weeping" and "gnashing of teeth" (gnashing of teeth?!). Also, thanks to Bible class...I've learned a lot more about faith and where I can fit into that picture. Unlike what some people would think, it's not all "Be a Christian or you're going to Hell" at this school. It's actually more about exploration and choices. I just happened to have picked the one where I have something to believe in and something to live for.


Nothing matters but Him, but because of Him, everything matters.

Analyzations: Fraser Valley Christian/Surrey Christian

The idea of high school scared me. The stereotypes and the clichés all had me anxious and excited all at once. Switching classes, having lockers...and of course, homeroom. that's where I met him. The guy that I have my open personality and firm sense of self to thank, and yes I know I am getting a tad ahead of myself.

I was not supposed to date. I knew that. My mother had a strict view of dating...or lack thereof. I was not to date until the age of ___...until I had a set career and could support myself...that's the set time of when I could start my love life...but of course, I had no intention of ever disobeying that rule...I was fine on my own.

Up until the 8th grade, my lack of love life had been relatively innocent and pointless. I had had several crushes...and some of them were mutual...but nothing led to anywhere because I was kind of...really young...and stupid...

So then one day, this guy named Devon Furnell asks me out and I'm like "Sure,yeah, okay" and then we're together for a very long while and I get caught having a boyfriend. Off to the Christian school I was shipped.

Analyzations: Enver Creek

from the age of 5, I had been enrolled at Walnut Road Elementary school. It is situated nearby my aunt's house where I would spend my childhood after school time. Every day my father would pick me up and drop me off at this house and at 5pm my mother would drive my sister and I home. This went on for 6 years until my mother decided to quit her job and work solely from home. Because of this, it made much more sense to move me from Walnut Road Elementary School (a 15 minute drive from our home) to Green Timbers Elementary (a 5 minute walk from our home)...

The transfer scared me, but it was truly for the better. Let's just say I was an annoying pest/nuisance at Walnut Road and when I got my fresh start at Green Timbers in the 6th grade, I rose to became the well-known, random, hyper Nancy Le...(being in Choir really boosted my popularity that year. :)

In relation to Enver Creek, had my mother not quit, had I not transferred to Green Timbers, I would not have attended that high school. 

Analyzations: Introduction

Everyone's life is based on a choices that they make and events that happen to them. When you take a step back and take it all in, recounting all these events and choices, there are a couple of things that may or may not have happened had a particular event not happen, or a particular choice not made.

Even though this may seem boring to you, and even though this may be a waste of time to read, I find it interesting so I am going to do this on my blog through a series of "Analyzation" blogs. 

Of course, I could trace it all the way back to my parents and their choice to get together, but I don't feel like going that far back so...I will start with my elementary school move...

Paradox

Jesus the Christ.

5:46am

Awake at 5:46am because I can't keep on trying to sleep. Even though I should be sleeping all the way to 6am and waking up even later than that if I could...I was so tired yesterday after not swimming much at all and today I get the pleasure of swimming three events, two of which I am not too taken with. 100 meters of Breaststroke. 100 meters of Backstroke.

This season, my coach was all like "Pick two stroke that are your strongest/ you want to get better at/ you want to swim in Regionals and we'll work on them the most"... Of course, my choices are Butterfly and Freestyle...Butterfly because even though it is tiring, it's beautiful, impressive, and smooth...and Freestyle because...it's Freestyle...It's always been my best. So this meet, I'm not completely sure who entered us helpless swimmers, but I got entered in these events instead. not that I really really really care very much after all, I did say that I didn't mind being put in any event...but it just makes me just a little more nervous. Maybe....Possibly...I don't know...


So today... three events. 50 Fly (YAY!!!) 100 Breaststroke [Yay...] 100 Backstroke [...]
But oh well, the whole meet will be over by tomorrow. And then I'll have the entire day to sleep if I so choose...and this whole cycle of swimming and meets and morning practices will end by the time 12th grade starts. That's a depressing thought...But anyways...I'll probably go do another blog or waste some time on Facebook because she's comin' over to give me a ride...

And Then The World Blew Up

Goal: write a story including these elements: a pterodactyl, a bowl of cereal, some curtains, spiderman on a unicycle and a banana in disguise.

Once upon a time, there was a bowl of cereal named Tyler. Each morning, he would partake in cannibalism. One day when he opened his curtains to let the morning light in, he looked up to see a pterodactyl.

Just then! Spiderman came rolling in on a unicycle and exclaimed "Haha! You can't catch me! You're just a bowl of cereal!!!"

"Au contraire, Mr Spidey!" he said as he whipped off his costume "I am a banana!"

And then the world blew up. The End.

Do the Butterfly

[I don't think you'll care about this but fine, keep reading...]

I think that butterfly is the hardest stroke to do and do well. It's hard because after the first couples lengths, you feel the burn in your muscles and it keeps getting harder and harder to push to the end.

I want to get better at fly. I really want to be fast and be able to do my best. BUT IT'S SO HARD. I'm fine the first 50, I'm okay the second 5o...and after that, I'm basically drowning, last 5o...I'm dead. Dead tired, more like... I feel like I could have been so much better if only I hadn't had that cough and I hadn't missed a little over half of all the practices in May and June. But the time for complaining is over. The time for killing myself, drowning, and working my face off is here.

The thing is, if you have a really really really crappy kick, you're not gonna go very far, unless you have like crazy arms. Also, you won't go very far if you completely forget the fact you have legs...which is me. Yes...I forget about my legs... So now, I have decided that I'm going to pretending that I'm just doing butterfly kick while I'm doing butterfly....so I'm gonna try and forget the fact that I have arms. 'cause you can't really forget your arms during butterfly...it's very hard to forget the things on your side that feel like they keep on gaining weight with every stroke.

I'm really glad I know how to swim. It's easy to impress them non-swimmers...They're all like "OMG! YOU'RE SO FAST" when secretly, you know you're basically last in every race you do.

Dang! My secret's out.


:P

My New Hobby

I wish. I wish. I wish. I think you all know what I wish. I just wish...*sigh*
No way, I am not in anyway complaining...I'm just being very impatient right now. It's just, lately, I have discovered a new hobby of mine. I've always wanted to do this and now that I've gotten a couple of chances to, it's even more awesomer than I imagined it would be. Unfortunately for me, it's kind of hard to do this thing.....anyways..................................................................................................



I really need to start being patient. But OMG!...........................I guess I'll just have to wait and see. :(








































;)

Two is Better Than One?

Oddly Satisfied

In an ideal world, things would always happen perfectly, on their own accord without any effort on our part. Things would just fall perfectly into place easily and without strain, like it was all just meant to be. Well, life's not like that. The world's not like that.If you want something, you have to go get it yourself...There's no waiting around business, a hundred bucks isn't just gonna fall into the palm of your hand...well, rarely so. And I say rarely because even though this is the ideal world we are living in...it's a pretty randomized one, so there are some instances where things like finding ten bucks on the ground happens. Aside from money, there are other things that may or may not occur "randomly". And when I say "randomly", I mean not random at all. I mean, things that you've always wanted to do, but you've just never been able to find the nerve to do it. So...when these "random" things happen, I feel very satisfied.

I'm glad I did it. :)

When the World is Round

Roses are red,
Violets are blue...
When the world is round,
That's when I'll love you.

The Beginning of a Story that will Never Finish.

She sat there and she was all alone. Usually she didn't mind being alone, but today there seemed to be something missing. The bird.

Every single day, Saskia Hamilton would walk to the Mansfield Park and sit at a park bench. She would ponder and wonder about the world. She would write phrases and couplets. She enjoyed her time. She enjoyed her peace. She enjoyed her silence. Pure silence.
It happened on May 21, 2011. She was in the middle of a writing trance. Eyes closed. Waiting for the miraculous words to come to her. And then she heard...A chirp? A bird calling?

Public Transit

Yesterday, I was blessed to be able to cross something off of my unwritten bucket list; I struck a conversation with a complete stranger on the sky train. Don't worry, y'all...I did not talk to some sketch dude who looked sketch-like. Rather, I spotted a women who gave her seat to a more elderly gentlemen. She winked at me in a friendly way, and I saw around her neck a BC Hydro card thingy.

so I said: "What do you do at BC Hydro?"

...and that one sentence completely set her off...(not that it's a bad thing, it was really interesting)
She began talking about the department that she works in (which just so happens to be environmental whatchamacallits) and how she and her comrades work to help lessen the impact of stuff to do with fish and rivers and water and stuff (Hydro...durrr....)..She also mentioned how there were two buildings and one was at Edmonds station where we parted...And she also spoke of something called...Statefield Park or something??

I don't even remember, but it was quite the conversation (though it was mildly one-way...I didn't have much to say)

So conclusion: Meet random person on public transit and instigate conversation? Check.

I'd Be Content To Hold Your Hand

I can't read your mind, love. As much as I'd love to be able to and make everything easier for you I can't. I'll be patient and I'll be supportive. I'll be whatever you need me to be until you figure things out.



Whatever you need me for, just say the word.

Calm as waves at night....

I don't own an iPod. I know. I'm stuck in the stones ages, aren't I? If I did, all of my music would be chill, relaxed, acoustic, independent music...Artists like Said the Whale, Blind Pilot, Radiohead, The Shins...Obscure things that are unheard of among the ruined ears of modern mainstream society.

Yes, all of the music that I'd listen to would have me so chill that all I'd do in my spare time is just lay there contemplating the fact that time was going by.

And if I can't breathe...

Since the beginning of May, I have had a cough. An annoying, persistent, unhealthy cough. I'm not absolutely sure why it's there, but it's there. The doctor only gave me a short explanation that doesn't really makes any sense, and he gave me some medication and it seems to be working...kind of.. slowly but surely...

But because of this ailment of mine, my mother does not permit me to swim my heart out. At first, not swimming did seem to help a little bit...I got the rest that I needed...but now, when I'm swimming and after I'm swimming...I feel like I'm not sick. But when I don't swim...and when I'm just lazing around at my place being moody and pissed at the world...I just feel so dead. Unfortunately for me, unless I properly give this cough a beating, I am not going to be allowed to swim full-time. And personally, I'm not sure what the chances of that happening are. My mom promised that I could swim as much as I wanted in July, but with the specification that I felt up to it by her standards. Well, July is coming in one week. I've gotten a lot better,but I'm not completely sure if it'll be gone by then or not. All I can do is try my best and pray to God it'll go away.

Meanwhile, my mother's paranoia is starting to grow. Today, she spontaneously decided to take me to the radiologist to get my set of breathers x-rayed. I certainly hope nothing comes out of it. Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me what my deepest fear was...I've figured out the answer to that question. I'm afraid of dying young and not being able to live out my life. There are dreams that I have that are yet to be realized, things that I want to do, places I want explore...My deepest fear is of not having enough time to do those things.

Must Keep My Cool.

I have realized recently that I am quite moody. One small thing could trigger hot tears, anger and feelings of defeat and I could feel those emotions for about the time period of 5 minutes and then the next thing you know, I'm laughing and smiling like I'm having the time of my life! I'm crazy I tell you...

If anyone is overly melodramatic, it's probably me...I really should just try and keep my emotions at level for at least one day. I swear, if and when I get married...and if by then I have not solved this mental problem of mine...oh goodness...

In other news, I really want to see my report card.

!@#$%%^&&**!!

My Idiotic Napper

The Tale of My Idiotic Napper Lover
- A Ballad

It began on a hot summer's noon:
I was the most spontaneous film editor around,
He was the most idiotic napper.

He was my lover,
My idiotic lover,
My napper.

We used to turn so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to look together, around the world,
We wanted it all.

But one noon, one hot noon,
We decided to look too much.
Together we kiss a stranger.
It was smoky, so smoky.

From that moment our relationship changed.
He grew so crazed.

And then it happened:

Oh no! Oh no!

He beat it a car.
Alas, a car!
My lover beat it a car.
It was dangerous, so dangerous.

The next day I thought my nose had broken,
I thought my eyes had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)

But still, he is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that noon,
That hot summer's noon.

My eyes... ouch!
When I think of that idiotic napper,
That idiotic napper and me.

13 hour days, 11 hour nights...

I like to have time. I don't like to be rush. I love to be early, I hate to be late.
Waking up at 8:30am every summer morning has become somewhat of a habit of mine. I enjoy my free time of frolicking and cavorting as little otters do in the sea. I enjoy the freedom of not having my mother around till 2 in the afternoon. And I enjoy just chillin'.

At the moment, the world is a happy place; it is a kind place. Nothing is cruel...everything is fair, and I have the feeling that this summer may be the best yet to come. It's full of potential and chance. I feel a surge of excitement as I examine the possibilities of the coming days, weeks, months...

The sun just came out. :)

Truth

I want to be close to you.

F.R.M.L.

Run away with me,
Have no fear.
Take my hand,
We're out of here.

Attempted Simile To Demonstrate My Love

I need you like the world needs the Sun. I want you like my mom wants coca-cola. And I love you like I love food, except more.

I'm Blind

What a hypocritical, ridiculous, immature, conceited, whiner that girl is. She's got a great life, but all she can do is complain. Is she completely blind to the fact that everything is literally picture perfect in her life? What more can the girl ask for? Apparently a lot.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? " Romans 8:31-32

Hi, my name is Nancy and I am blind and ignorant to all the blessings that God has brought into my life. I have a disgusting attitude and I am ungrateful. [Thesis]

When one does a purely active sport, one finds oneself in a position where time for thought is unlimited.
Once upon a time, on a certain summer day...a girl was doing a kicking set where all she had to do was...kick. So...she got to thinking about her life and how everything sucked. Every single thing about it just seemed exactly less than perfect. And after awhile of this thinking that everything sucked, she did something really unexpected. She finally followed the advice of this guy and she made a list of all the stuff in her life that actually made it good. And came up with...a lot. Then she thought of the youth group she went to last night and remembered a verse she read and how it didn't have anything to with this at all, but at the same time it had everything to do with this because of what she took from that verse.

"And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” "
Mark 1:11

We're a Freakin' CHICK FLICK?!?

Damn.

The Strangest Sensation

I'm feeling the strangest sensation at the pit of my stomach. It feels weird...I feel like I've lost feeling from my body.. It's like... I'm not floating...but like...there's been a cord that attached me to my body and that cord got cut...

I feel...

It's indescribable...

I feel...

There aren't any words...

What a strange sensation...

I Want To Close The Door

Oh...you....
[insert sigh here]
It's so sunny outside, yet so dark and drab in my mind...

It feels as if my head is trying to support an anvil.
Compression, tension.
I could fall asleep so easily...
Just drift away...and perhaps not come back...
I'm so tired.
Tired of school.
Tired of homework.
Tired of family.
Tired of friends.
Tired of life.

I'm just so...drained and dead...
[insert sigh here]
Oh...love...

Take Initiative

I'd rather you try and completely fail than not try at all. I've got faith in you, love.

Tolerance

T stands for a lot of things. One of the things it stands for is a guy I know. It also stands for tolerance, something that I truly need to master if I am going to survive this life mentally stable and it's something I need to master if I'm going to go to school with this guy and stay mentally stable. He's proud, stubborn, firm, and brutally honest...depending on who he's talking to. Which he'll be brutally honest when it comes to me 'cause he knows that I don't really care what he thinks or says. but honestly, I think the reason I don't care what he thinks or says is because if I did...I wouldn't be able to live. At all. I would be constantly worrying about what he thinks and I'd just not be able to function. Not that I don't give his thoughts about me some consideration. I mean, after I get over my pride and I carefully dissect what flaws of mine he may be talking about...sometimes, there's something useful about having a person who is firm in his beliefs around. Sometimes. Other times, it just feels like I should go kill myself to make the guy happy because I'd rather do that than reform to his vision of what I should be. Other times, I wish there was a way for him to at least accept an idea as what it is... an idea...and that he not have to analyze ad pronounce it as either sinful or righteous. Which brings us back to tolerance. I can only speak for myself when I say I need more of it.

Bad Dreams

I hate them. I hate them with every single cell in my body. I hate them to death. I hate them when they're exaggerated, when they make no sense.... but I especially hate them when I know what they're about and they're based on the stupid truths of my life. They're stupid.


Aren't dreams supposed to be a fkn escape from the torment of reality? But noo......mine obviously aren't, they suck. They're a damn repeat except worse. They take my fears, doubts, frustrations, and jealousies, and turn them into a dream where I have to re-live these things that I wish I could escape from.

Stupid. So now my whole day is ruined. My whole mood is ruined. And then I'll have to again face whatever it is that bothering me and then be reminded of that damn dream that I just had.


Sometimes, I truly wish it was that easy and that my feelings could be expressed without hurting someone else' 'cause then maybe I would and maybe these dreams would go away.


All I know is I'm hurting terribly and it's not getting better anytime soon.

Two Things

1. The Boy
2. The Essay











....and hopefully, by the end of tomorrow, it'll only be one thing.

Twitter.

So I read the blog of my bud where she mentioned she had a Twitter and that she updated it often. So I was like "Hey, maybe I should get one". So then I went on to the site and I creeped her page for about ten seconds (no lie) and then I clicked "Create an Account to Follow JKineLive" and then I saw for boxes that I had to fill in to create this twitter account... and then I went on Facebook again instead. So no, I do not have a twitter. Plus, if I did, it's probably be really stupid and no one would follow it because I'd use it like an online whining tool and complain with every tweet about stupid things people don't care about. So yeah. And yeah.

24 may 2011

I cannot write. I cannot think. I cannot write and cannot think because none of the things that I can think to write are of any consequence to anybody else other than myself. Most of which are whines and complaints about homework and wanting The Boy. Oh...life.

It's true.

Good things come in small packages. ;)

hi.

i like this font.

I am going to perish in neglect.

I am going to perish in neglect. Neglect, frustration, desperation, and depression. I am going to die. Tearsdrop fall sullenly from the brown of my eyes. Contemplation of a finality enters my neglected mind. I die.

I am going to die.

I am suffocating. I cannot breathe. Farewell, dear universe. It's been nice knowing you.

Hehe

So before playland..i am at school with nathan and christina and andrew behind me...or he was..he is such a ninja. I also found out that Halo is called halo because they have giant rings that kill everything. "all life, all biotic organisms" says Nathan. "better not quote me there" says nathan *slaps the back of my head* ABUSE!!

hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......we're a lol-ing... but christina's giggling... *giggle*
Bwahahahahahahaha... okay... I'm crazy.. okay bye. :P

All The Other Guys...

I might talk and laugh and chill with other guys. Flirt with them, hug them...pretend to have deep meaningful conversations with them. But honestly, you're the only one that's on my mind. The only one I've got my eye on. Promise.

I Should Be Doing Homework.

I don't feel like doing my homework. But I probably should be and I probably will eventually... As of right now, my French presentation still needs memorizing, my Math questions needs to be finished and my Socials argument needs to be...researched and created...also I need to make a birthday card for my buddy. Bleh. I don't want to do it!!!!!!!!!! Oh well. I have to or else I'll be majorly sorry later. *sigh*

:)

I'm so happy right now. I'm just so happy. I'm such a teenage girl with my mood going up and down constantly, and my mind jumping to conclusions all the time...and oh!...I'm just so happy right now. Again, I must say that I'm sorry to those of you that I've been an overly blunt bitch to for no good reason. Thanks for sticking by me. I'm so happy right now.

Pathetic.

I feel pathetic because for some reason I have these things called "feelings".
Sometimes they are a real pain. Like right now.

Free Friday Night.

Well that was a let down. Originally, the plan was for my Vocal Jazz group to sing at this fundraiser my school is holding tonight but on account of a couple schedule dilemmas, we are no longer performing, so that leaves me with a free friday night to do some much neglected homework. An brood about my life. Oh the joys that come with being me. Oh well, life goes on. Tomorrow's Saturday so I hope I'm ready for the weekly heartbreak that goes on in me.

Je Voudrais Pleurer.

I'm tired.
I'm mildly disappointed.
I feel ignored.
I feel annoyed.
I feel unloved.

I am tired.

I want to go to sleep. There are so many things that are going on in my life right now. The Gala on Friday where my Vocal Jazz is performing.. Math test tomorrow.. French presentation... and I am sooo not ahead of the game. Oh well. Whatever. It's only grade 11. Doesn't matter THAT much. I am tired. And as pointed out by many people close to me, I seem to always be tired. I should go to sleep some day rather than using my guy friends as pillows no matter how fun that is. That's all. Just wanted to tell you guys that I'm tired. :P

Fire Flies.

So. Hi there. I am feeling very tired. And also I am feeling very full. Also. I am about to go find my Physics homework and attempt my Math homework. Bye.

Irritations.

There is something wrong with me. It seems as though every little thing is getting to me now. Every. Little. Thing. A small word put out of place, a tiny hint of constructive criticism...Every little thing has gotten me angry and upset. This is stupid. And I feel like I know where it's all coming from. And it seems like a stupid idea, but I feel like this whole thing originates from that one small imperfection in my life. But at the same time, I think that it can be justified that it is that one small imperfection because that one small imperfection means a lot to me. Because if one could spot out that one imperfection and one dissected it and looked into its many facets, one would be able to see that it is a million tiny imperfections. But the one thing that bothers me about the most isn't the fact that it's not happening or whatever...but it's the fact that it's only me. It's only me that's being treated like this, it's only me that's freaking anyone out, it's only me. It's like because of this whole situation, I'm the one that should treated like this because of the things I'm feeling. Which is why I almost wish that I could turn back time and start life all the way from my infancy. It not only bothers me that this happens but it just really hurts. It makes me sad. And if I didn't have anything to distract me from this one thought, I'm pretty sure that I'd be stuck in my room curled up in a little ball making my pillow salty and wet. It's just not normal. It's not the way things usually are. And I don't even understand why this has to even happen. But because of this one tiny imperfection that makes up part of one small imperfection, I am now basically one of the most irritable bitches you'll find. And I'm not using that word to make a statement or whatever but I'm just stating the plain truth right now. So I'm sorry to those of you who are reading this because I'm assuming that you know me and you're probably pretty close to me as well, but I'm saying sorry because I'm an irritable bitch right now. I'm sorry. I'm working on it.

Uncertainty.

Maybe the reason that it scares me so much is because I have so many things about my life that are so incredible and the chance that they might one day disappear is a frightening thought. The future isn't set in stone.

Fears.

The one thing about life that scares me the most is the whole uncertainty of it.

Nancy Le

Awe. He made me one back. :P

Nice
Adorable
Nonsensical
Creative
Yodeling (it was between that and youthful, but how can you say no to yodeling :))

Lovely
Extraordinary
(don't let any of this go to YOUR head)

avril l.

When your gone, the pieces of my heart are missin' you
When you're gone, the face I come to know is missin' too.

Jordan Vlieg

Jokes
Orange-shirted
Radical
Dorky [in the nicest way possible]
Almost Ambidextrous
Nice


Vertical
Learning
Immovable [as in stubborn]
Eager
Gorgeous eyes [please don't let that get to your head]

Buddies.

I'm going to the mall today. With my buddy. Whom I haven't seen. Since my birthday. This shall be indeed interesting. I've been buddies with her since the 6th grade. And since I moved, we kinda lost touch but not really. So this should be quite the experience. And since me and her haven't ever had anything to talk about emotionally and to be serious about because together, we're not really serious people, I'm going to try an experiment today. I am going to talk to her about stuff that's all serious and sad and everything and see how she's progressed... Of course I have no fear that she'll read this post because she doesn't read my blog. Or anyone else's.

My Knack

I seem have lost my knack for writing poetry...or is it that I have lost interest in it? I don't know why but nowadays, I can't just sit down and write something...it just comes and goes...but mainly, lately..it's been going...And when I do happen to write something about someone in a poetic form, I just don't think it's good enough...it comes out all wrong on paper and when read aloud, it sounds like some lovesick teenager's dream on paper. Which I guess that's was it is. In which case, I guess I don't really like it. Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way...Perhaps I need a brighter outlook on things. Whatever the case, it seems as though my knack has gone into hiding.

Courtesy of Day Calculator.

1 year, 6 months, 23 days, 1 hour, 38 minutes, 46 seconds

*sighs*

The constant sting of leaving. It's really stupid. I wish it would go away.

34th for March!

I think I blog too much. Just a little too much. I mean, who the hell's gonna have the time to read all these random bits of the inconsequential things in my life that bother me??!?!? Nobody. Oh well, if I wanted people to read this then I've already failed miserably at it so, why start to care now? Anyways, adding her on facebook was indeed a mistake. It was a horrid mistake, and a mistake that I cannot undo. Because it's so stupid!! AHHH. Okay.. I am crazy. That's final.. and that pic of me up there is really kinda scary. In my opinion, Christina likes it though, that's all hat really matters... unless Hannah C. doesn't like it.......then I'll probably take it down.

Eternity.

Quote to think about..
Lois Duncan - “If there were a mile high mountain of granite, and once every ten-thousand years a bird flew past and brushed it with a feather, by the time that mountain was worn away, a fraction of a second would have passed in the context of eternity.”

Being Pensive.

It's almost the fourth month of the eleventh year of the 21st century. And as the days pass, we're all getting older, approaching a certain fate. Wow, that literally sounds like hardcore intense stuff...It's the last week of spring break and after this, we have only 3 months til summer starts and then I start my last year of high school. That was fast. Last time I checked, I was in the seventh grade freaking out about high school and how hard it was going to be...Last time I checked, I was in the second grade begging my parents for a pet dog...Now I've been in existence for four years less than a score and I feel like omg...mid-teenage crisis goin' on here. Everything just seems to be moving so fast...and if one doesn't pay attention to what's going on...it's already over...

Instant Gratification

Wow. Two music videos in one week. Feels awesome. It's just so cool to make something that's entirely your own and then have it paired up with music and it's just like.. "wow. I just made that"
Mini movies ftw.

Lord Hamish

He's so cool. I love his smile. It's funny.
This is the dude that Alice rejects in Alice in Wonderland when he asks her to marry her. Good choice Alice, good choice.

Random Message Rhymes.

Select: All, Read, None

ShowAllUnread

Nancy Le March 25 at 9:44pm

Hey, hey, hey...what's up?

Ryan Mock March 25 at 9:45pm

Not much.

Nancy Le March 25 at 9:46pm

Well, honey... There's the sky..the stars..the clouds..and Mars..

Hmm.

Well.. you know what?
It's the last day today. :D

Don't Care.

Nope. this is my blog. I'm allowed to write whatever the hell I want on it and I don't care. I'd rather plaster it all over my blog then spam facebook you.
I miss you.

-And hell yes, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Stupid quotes. Why do dem quotez gotz to be true?

The more tired I am, the smaller my posts are.

I miss you.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

imu.

I'm tired.

I feel like going to sleep and waking up in the summer.

I'm tired.

I wish.

I wish that one day my wishes will come true. Every single one of them.

I am anxious.

BAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh...................................................................Blogging.........about.....stupid......course............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......................II ammmmmmmmmmm sooooooooooooooo AHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay. Well. Ugh.

WSI.

Water.
Safety.
Instructor.




tomorrow.
9am-5pm
til Friday.

See ya then.

Music Videos.

So today was a very fun day for me. I woke up from a sleep over..went over to my bud's house with my other bud and we went back to my house and we made a music video. it was good. and it's only youtube right now..probably..but it's unlisted cause my buds might wanna change some crap on it. It was so fun making it outside and everything....love makin' these vids...and tomorrow i'ma go to ze metrotown mall avec mon ami s'appelle Hannah. and we're gonna go buy hair crap for my hair that just got cut lika dude. it's gonna be sweet. Surprisingly, Nancy Le is enjoying her Spring Break. :D

Oh Darling.

Ohh................I'm a quarter asleep. Laptop's in my room...in bed with my friend. My sister just got home...I'm sleepy. The End.

Et un jour, elle avait fâchée...

I'm tired. I'm annoyed. I'm irritated. I'm blah blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah...me me me me me me me. Maybe I'll go take a nap. Maybe I'll go pretend to not be pissed at nothing. Maybe I'll go eat.
I'm mad. At nothing. Everything is so inconsequential. Stupid.

au contraire

Contrary to my expectations, I am not super scared about getting my hair cut uber short. Also contrary to my expectations, I am not currently being swarmed by majorly depression self-esteem lowering thoughts about how my love is going away for almost two weeks with two beautiful girls. I actually laughed when I typed that. Actually, I'm kinda sorta maybe actually looking forward to Spring break...Star Wars marathon that may or may not happen [though I certainly hope it does...dunno if my mom will approve of 12 hours of movie watching with two dudes], birthday party that may or may not happen[ but better happen or else it would have been postponed for a whole freakin' month], WSI course that will finally signal the end of my lifeguarding course [finally!!]...and other things that may or may not happen. Oh...the gifts that life gives and what sighs we give as we reluctantly receive them. The future is full of potential.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like life is absolutely perfect. Like the world isn't flawed. Like there aren't people on the other side of the world experiencing hardship. I have a flawed perception. Still, there are those moments in life when it feels as if everything is in order, everything is perfectly in place and during these moments I experience utter peace. Utter tranquility.And the inner riot within me calms down, the imperfections, the blemishes of the world aren't there. And life is perfect. Life is beautiful. Life is hopeful. Life is incredible.

Happy thoughts, joyful thoughts swirl around in my head and my mind entertains visions of the optimistic future.

's silly~

roses are red,
violets are blue.
i love cheese
and i love you.

guess who they are...

No complaints.

Life is good.

stop it. ugh.

stfu,.

Screw it.

Some crazy shiz'

Oh my goodness!!

click it >>> This is a magic portal to a different website where you will find amazingness in it's purest form!

Insecure.

Yes. that's right. Nancy is insecure. About a lot of things, surprisingly so, she's just too damn proud to actually show like she cares about that stuff. A lot of what I'm insecure about has to do with what I am in comparison to others. And I do that a lot. Comparing myself to people leads me to being insecure which leads me to doubting myself which leads to a whole big thing of other stuff. And in doing this, I find it hard to believe that I can be enough, that I'm acceptable as a person to love and a person to care about. The more I do this, the more I question my own value, my own worth. But honestly, I have to say, it's pointless to compare oneself to others. Love [brotherly, sisterly, relationships, friendships] is not about comparisons. It's not about choosing based on a checklist of some sort, and it's not about pointing out faults or weaknesses. This is something I still have yet to fully realize. Point is, no matter how much of a screw up someone is, if you love 'em...it's inside out, forever and always, you hold nothing of the past against them, and any insecurity on their part will be proven unnecessary because of all this.

~blog therapy. 's crazy, but it works. So far.


I promise not to kill myself,
~Nancy

School.

So to summarize school aujourd'hui, it was ....okay. I realize that I use that adjective pretty often. I didn't used to be like that. I always used good or awesome or great. now everything's just okay. Anyways, today at school...it was just like any other day within the past week that I've had. Talking to people, smiling at things I don't particularly find funny. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I just can't shake the feeling that there are some things about me that some people cannot understand or will not try to understand. I feel as though I have been sort of acting under a pretense for the past couple of months...for when I'm unhappy mainly...That'd just be something I'd do...push the sadness away and hide it in some closet in the back of my mind, hoping it goes away, hoping I'll distract myself enough to get away from it. But there are some people who really encourage that in my life, and not purposely...they're just not used to dealing with psychos like me. So rather than letting me alone...they just make it worse...again, not on purpose. I surround myself with happy people and because of their eternal happiness, I feel they do not understand my sadness when it's there. Huh...blog therapy...

I promise not to kill myself,
~Nancy

Melodramatic.

I have been feeling down lately. If life's a roller coaster, it feels as though my ride just ended. Perhaps if I was a little less melodramatic, then I would be able to stop feeling to sorry for myself. What scares me about this is that I don't know why I've all of a sudden taken a turn down the road of despair, but I've got a feeling it has to do with déja vu. Because during the course of my life, I have encountered another situation like this one except a lot more dramatic and more tearful and sad and depressing and whatever...Maybe I'm just geared towards feeling dramatic things...maybe it's a subconscious act of my soul hinting at what I internally truly want : Attention. Which I really do want some of that. Who doesn't? Attention is nice, it makes you feel loved and makes you feel like you actually matter to some people. I really doubt that that's my problem though [DENIAL!] because I do get enough attention from a lot of people. Is it my insecurity catching up to me? Are my jealousies outta control? Or is it true that I am truly at my last strand of sanity. Whatever happens to me during the course of the next few days, I'll try to keep you posted 'cause I have a feeling this mood I'm in could make for some intriguing blogs.

I promise not to kill myself,
~Nancy

Confirmed.

It's true.

*sighs*

Roses are red. Violet are blue. Oh, the things I would do, just to be with you.

Ten minute ago...

I cried.

She's Sad.

I'm feeling so weird today. Strangely I'm feeling sad. Which is strange. I'm not used to it. Well, to be honest, I haven't been doing very well in the past couple of days. Someone asks me "How are you?" my standard answer has just been "Okay." Just okay. Worst part is...I'm not sure why. Or maybe I do know why but I don't feel like coming to terms with it. I don't feel like talking about it, thinking about it...As if pushing these things in a closets gonna make me feel better. I'm sad. Hmm.

I think it's pretty good having taken 15 seconds to write it.

There's a point in time when green is blue
When life is good, when lies are true.
Rarely ever is one lucky enough
to see it through...
When has the sky not yet fallen?
Is the land gonna stay cracked?
Heaven forbid I curse the days
Open the fiery pit below,
I burst into flames.

Pillow.

I am so tired
You have no idea.
I just wish that my pillow were here.

Cool.

He's way cool.

Mon choix.

Pendant les semaines passés...J'avais besion choisir mes classes pour la prochaine année. Quand j'étais fait ça, j'ai eu un problème...je n'ai pas sais quoi prendre...histoire ou géographie.....La premier, j'ai pense que j'aurais prendre histoire..parce que j'ai demandé mon professeur quel l'étudiants avais faire dans chaque classe et il a dit ça...blah blah blah....alors, j'ai commencé penser si j'aurais prend géographie parce que il y avait une sortie éducative à la Mt. Sainte-Helené......mais...finalement...j'ai choisi les histoire...

et pour ton information...je n'ai pas utilisé "Google Translate" pour ça. ☺

Here's a Riddle for Ya.

Blue. Green. Grey.

Deep. Kind. Sad.

I get lost in them.

They pull me towards you.

Memory wipe.

Hypnotizing. Mesmerizing.

Can't. Look. Away.






....what is it?

Homework Heaven

Nevermind my last post. I got myself into a happy working mood now. Teehee. I just love the feeling that I've accomplished something.

:)

Fatigue. Annoyance. Chores. Homework.

Go away.

. crimson flower .

Just the memory of you stirs up a riot in me.

You set a fire ablaze in my heart...

And you colour my world with your love.

Roses are Red...

Black lace. Mmm...my favourite. X)

Had a loverly friend of mine introduce me to the idea of black fingerless lace gloves...except she wanted 'em long and stuff...the idea intrigued me so and I found myself thinking about outfits that would match with the whole look...and I found that a lot of the clothes that I wore were begging for a pair. I searched for a pair as lovely as these and after a long time, finally came up with them.

*sighs* ...black lace. :)

I'm such a girl.

Um.

I think I love you.

When the truth is found to be lies. And all the joy within you dies.

You know what I hate most about not being able to date? the fact that if I could, I probably would! Like it totally wouldn't bother me at all if I knew that even if I were to have the honor of that privilege, I wouldn't use it to my advantage anyways, like if I never talked to guys and I was really really mean, cruel, ugly, shy, not out going.. I don't know... whatever works... it just would not bother me half as much as it does bother me because I wouldn't have any dilemma with not being able to be with anyone if I wouldn't want to be with anyone anyways and vice versa!!! It's just so stupid! Why wasn't I born so that I could be some introvert that never had a chance with the boys anyways? some chick who would spend forever in her room getting amazing marks in physics with the life goal of just making my parents happy? Why?!@!?!? It would be so much easier right now if that were the case. but I guess that's it, isn't it? Life isn't easy and we're all just thrown into different scenarios that we just gotta live through. Guess that's what makes it worth something.

Electrical Barbed Wire.

So i guess I'm just a normal apple...not sure if I'm right on top but probably somewhere around the middle of the tree...but see, I actually do have a problem [other than the fact I am now a delicious red fruit], I am covered in electrical barbed wire so no longer is it the risk of getting hurt while picking me off the tree but now it is a knowledge that they will get hurt...I mean electrical barbed wire, doi! so I guess what I'm saying is...who would actually sit up there in the tree contemplating to pick an apple covered in barbed wire or waiting for an electrician to come by and take it off when there are all these lovely apples around them that aren't covered in electrical barbed wire? That's my question. Oh yeah "Happy" Valentine's Day people.

Hmm...Apples...

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

By some chick named Megan.

Simile.

Looking at your face is like having a memory wipe.
Everything else goes out of my mind.
Except you.

To My Valentine.

Hold me, hold me...as the tears run down my face...
Memories and fears
that I cannot erase...
Help me forget
All these things of the past
And bring me the future
...when we're together at last.

Oh Mother......

how you annoy me.

Caution! The following is NOT for those against PDA.

Floating


I wanna fly with you. In the sky. At night.
With all the stars shining bright.
Feel the wind alive beneath our wings
Here with you, it's the Heart that sings

Only a vision, a wish, a dream...


Under the stars is where we'll stay
Us together, forever this way.