I Want To Close The Door

Oh...you....
[insert sigh here]
It's so sunny outside, yet so dark and drab in my mind...

It feels as if my head is trying to support an anvil.
Compression, tension.
I could fall asleep so easily...
Just drift away...and perhaps not come back...
I'm so tired.
Tired of school.
Tired of homework.
Tired of family.
Tired of friends.
Tired of life.

I'm just so...drained and dead...
[insert sigh here]
Oh...love...

Here's a Riddle for Ya.

Blue. Green. Grey.

Deep. Kind. Sad.

I get lost in them.

They pull me towards you.

Memory wipe.

Hypnotizing. Mesmerizing.

Can't. Look. Away.






....what is it?

One day I shall explode.

The strange sensations of my heart
Pulling me down, down, down...
It gets heavier and heavier
Every day, every night...
It feels as though I am dragging something along with me
What is it?
Problems I don't want to touch
things shoved in the back of the closet that is my mind...
Heart break. Disappointment. Jealousy.
Fantasies that will stay fantasies
...And the realization that I'm not enough.
Not enough.
So one day.
I shall explode.
And all the people who have known me will cry and mourn for my sake.
And they'll get over it.
Quickly.

ode to a snow day.

Oh, Snow...
How pretty is thee, how awesome, how fantabulous...
You make funny noises when stepped on,
The blanket of white,
I don't know what say...
mais toute je sais est tu es merveilleux...

Catching A Wave...

Just lying there, a small speck on the ocean. Out here, the waves gently rock me back and forth but in the distance I hear waves crashing at the sandy shore.

Waiting...waiting...waiting...

And yet, nothing is happening, nothing is changing...
Only a girl on her board in the middle of the sea.
Bathing in sun and solitude...

Turn around...
It's there! It's here!
Three meters back, a wave!
Paddle!
Butterfly!
Hurry!!!

Hands at your shoulders!
Knees up!
Left foot!
Get low!

...and I'm standing
Riding the waves of a deep blue, tropical Hawaiian sea.

Story Of My Love Life. As of now.

Always there, always listening
"I don't care"
Now you're whistling...
Get the picture?
"I am ...confused"
I see flickers
of your feelings
in the shadows..
What the Fudge?!
Turn around
I love ice cream.
Mushroom.

Blue.

Like the crystal sea,
Shining, sparkling, shimmering...
Turquoise, cerulean, azure...
The waves move like it is alive with what is beneath it.

Hope

I dreamt a dream
a wonderful thing
My heart leapt with joy.
Out of the shadows appeared a knight called Hope
He gestured I follow him to the fields of happiness
Green grass
and the vivid sun shone
I opened my eyes to find...
All anxiety had gone.

Such a vision to have,
my one and only...
Dream
I'll remember you.

Smile.

because you can. because someone cares about you.because you're not going to sleep hungry tonight.because you have a million opportunities to do what you want in life.because you are the only person that gets to decide where you want your life to end up. because somebody loves you. because you don't have to struggle to survive every day. because you can.

Lead the Way

Lead the way
Through the fog and smoke
Away from dreary dreams
from dark despair
Lead the way..
&& I'll follow...

some weird/depressing crap that i found in my documents folder...

Untitled
It’s an endless circle of hurt
Hurled time and time again
At the brick wall
Blood everywhere washing over soon-to-be scars
Yet I wish it was that feeling that actually happened
Rip me, Tear me. Hurt me
That’s what you’re meant to do
Tears well up in my eyes
Bite my lips to hold them back
It’s happening
All over again
It cannot be healed
It cannot be suppressed
It cannot be calmed
Uncontrollable hurt
Raging pain everywhere
Hurt! Hurt! Hurt!
It’s happening
All over again
You can’t escape it.....

Untitled 2:

The lonely road is before us.
And as I walk through it I remember past happenings
Things that are long gone
Back then, the past was life
So now is this life now past?
Are we the past of the future?

Unwanted Solitude:

Stuck all alone
In this cold wide setting
I am helpless in this scene
And I am seen as helpless
A hopeless, helpless, friendless being
By myself, I walk through these hallways
Through crowded corridors of a mingling species
Kind to their familiars
But isolating others not yet known to them
Isolating strange new creatures
Those who are different
And those who are misunderstood
A hard place it is to be
In this scenario
Stuck all alone.
Or are we the future of the past.....

Suspended

I feel suspended,

Hanging from an edge
of a cliff called Despair

Confused.

I am confused
What should I do?
ignore it.
pretend it isn't there.
Which is kind of hard to do..
It's everywhere
How can I turn my back on it?
how can I ignore what seems so important to me?
I can't.
But knowing me...
i'll probably try...
-otis

Road Trip trip squared.

Home...home...home.
Back to my bed
Back to my room
Back to my lovely life
Back to you.
Home.

Anticipate

Time goes so slowly
Making its way
Patiently
There is no rush for it
me, however
I am impatient
Waiting has no purpose
Why can't it just come ALREADY!
Every second seems like an hour
Every tick seems to resound for eternity
...The End!

Cancer

Like a weed; a parasite
eating inside out
working its way to the inner core
Germinating, reproducing
Pain would be a mercy
This is not pain
Torturous, harrowing, insufferable
Death cannot come fast enough

A Rose Has Its Thorns

The nagging voice of heartache
Is it truly better to have loved and lost
than to not have loved at all?
Twisted and snarled are the thoughts in my mind
Confusion is stirring within my soul
how can one's heart give so much and yet
get so little in return?
I am but a shadow to him
I exist but I am too minor to take note of
What shall I do?
What can I do to change your mind?
Nothing
nothing
nothing is what I'll do
and nothing is what I'll become.

Black Fire

There is a fire within me
Burning,destroying the past
Forget all that is done
I want it to be over already!
Fire burn,Burn,BURN!
Burn me until there is nothing more than ashes
Black ashes and the smell of incense
Oh! unjust world, cruel world
When will the fiery phoenix appear?
from the shadows of Dark Desperation.

The Day Is Old

Today seems so slow
the clock moves at such a slow rate
tick...tick...tick
the seconds go by as fast as a snail's pace
cars seem to all be in reverse
and the rain evaporates as it falls
You know something is wrong
when things are set in slow motion

Poisoned Apples

It’s taking over me
Like a malicious poison
Sinking into my skin
Take pity on me
For the searing pain
Is too much to take
My strength cannot hold up
Falling victim under the suffering
It hurts…

~ I let loose one more breathe
Numb with pain
My consciousness is lost…