On the Tarp

He tried to initiate today. It worked. I'm happy. :)

I Do Not Know What To Write

Ello there! And how art thou on this fine night? I am good. Thanks for asking. Just blogging in the dark at 9:48pm. Not much to report except I'm on Facebook as usually. Oh how my life will end if it ever crashes...If that ever happens, back to Hotmail I go! Blog blog blog, today was an okay day, nothing extraordinary happened. Morning swim, volunteer, Facebook, nap, swim...same old routine. Not that I'm complaining. Blah blah blah...just pretend that I wrote something deep and wordy back there. No one will ever know!


I wonder what I'll dream of tonight. I don't remember my dreams in detail. But I know what I'll be thinking about right before I fall asleep. Always, every night, same thing... I'm starting to wonder if it's conscious thing or not...I doubt it...my mind just instantly jumps to those memories every chance that I let it. It's stupid really, the musings of a teenaged girl right before bed...I certainly hope no one knows what I'm talking about except one, but oh well...(9:57pm) I have probably given too much away already...

It is currently two to ten and tomorrow morning I have morning swim practice to attend to. One minute til ten...Blog blog blog...This post has been sub-par.

Good night. I love you.

Another Ending?

"She said she just doesn't want me getting hurt."

Reasonable request, but how realistic does that seem? There are more ways to getting hurt than just me breaking his heart. Ways like an end to our only means of seeing one another...I know if it happens the way it seems to be, then I'll be hurt as well...hurt, but with hope that there's a light at the end of the tunnel...but does it justify his future sadness as well? There was once a time when I thought so...a different lifetime when it felt like everything was worth it in the end. There was once a time when I believed that there were suitable sacrifices to be made and tears that were worth shedding over a future that didn't end up happening...Could this be the case again? Is there really anything worth just one moment of hurt? I wish I could say yes, but past events have forced me to answer with a negative. There's nothing that's worth seeing him in pain. But my control only goes so far, and there are things beyond it that determines which path our lives will take. All the options that I see before me, all the paths that seem to be unfolding...none of them seem too optimistic except the one with the least chance of happening.

All I can do is wait and hope.

Blog

It is currently 9:35pm and I am bored. My love just signed off and I have nothing to do except wait for tomorrow. Okay that is a huge lie. I could be cleaning my room, eating food, going to sleep early, reading the last book of the Hunger Games, screwing around on Youtube, reading the bible, doing devotions...but none of that calls to me. I just want to blog about my life because it's what I do...[9:37pm] so tomorrow, I have no morning swim practice. YAY!!. But I am also missing afternoon practice to attend my cousins birthday party. I think my mother and sister don't approve of my swimming so often, which is truly unfortunate because I definitely don't. (My love's back! YAY! But I shall keep blogging) And yeah...oh well...something else that's attacking my mind currently is the weird thing going on between my love's mom and me...which is really weird...I do not know what is happening, but it doesn't seem to be positive. Honestly, I just think she has a staple bias...that since I have decided to fall for him, she's just gonna be that much more critical on me. I wonder if she thinks I'm stealing him away from her...which is a horribly ridiculous idea...he's her son...[9:44pm] There's not much damage I could do there...not that I'd want to...if it was a me vs. her thing, I'd forfeit...I'd still love him and I wouldn't give him up, but I'd forfeit. I'd let her do whatever she wanted, think whatever she wanted to...and be an oyster...
Am I over analyzing this? No, I'm a girl...it's what I do. But while I'm on the topic (I certainly hope my anxiety is entertaining you)...I'm still scared of her. She's amazingly intimidating. I could just imagine having a conversation with her that turned into a total interview.If it comes to that, I certainly hope I pass.
I'll be prepared. I don't think she trusts me with her darling beloved son...Oh well...what can I do. Be a suck up and exclaim how wonderfully her nails are done and comment on her new dangly earrings? Screw that. I would hate myself even if that did work.

F.R.M.L.

Hey there, I think you're really hot.

No One's Going To Believe Me.

But I don't care.


I love you.

Analyzations: Faith

Had my parents not forced me to start attending FVCHS/SCS, and I was still with my illegit, atheist, waste-of-potential, lazy ass boyfriend (trust me, he agrees with me...not that he doesn't have any good points...)...I am almost 100% sure that I wouldn't be a follower of Christ right now. How could I accept that the one I loved would be going to Hell and suffer in the place where there will be "weeping" and "gnashing of teeth" (gnashing of teeth?!). Also, thanks to Bible class...I've learned a lot more about faith and where I can fit into that picture. Unlike what some people would think, it's not all "Be a Christian or you're going to Hell" at this school. It's actually more about exploration and choices. I just happened to have picked the one where I have something to believe in and something to live for.


Nothing matters but Him, but because of Him, everything matters.

Analyzations: Fraser Valley Christian/Surrey Christian

The idea of high school scared me. The stereotypes and the clichés all had me anxious and excited all at once. Switching classes, having lockers...and of course, homeroom. that's where I met him. The guy that I have my open personality and firm sense of self to thank, and yes I know I am getting a tad ahead of myself.

I was not supposed to date. I knew that. My mother had a strict view of dating...or lack thereof. I was not to date until the age of ___...until I had a set career and could support myself...that's the set time of when I could start my love life...but of course, I had no intention of ever disobeying that rule...I was fine on my own.

Up until the 8th grade, my lack of love life had been relatively innocent and pointless. I had had several crushes...and some of them were mutual...but nothing led to anywhere because I was kind of...really young...and stupid...

So then one day, this guy named Devon Furnell asks me out and I'm like "Sure,yeah, okay" and then we're together for a very long while and I get caught having a boyfriend. Off to the Christian school I was shipped.

Analyzations: Enver Creek

from the age of 5, I had been enrolled at Walnut Road Elementary school. It is situated nearby my aunt's house where I would spend my childhood after school time. Every day my father would pick me up and drop me off at this house and at 5pm my mother would drive my sister and I home. This went on for 6 years until my mother decided to quit her job and work solely from home. Because of this, it made much more sense to move me from Walnut Road Elementary School (a 15 minute drive from our home) to Green Timbers Elementary (a 5 minute walk from our home)...

The transfer scared me, but it was truly for the better. Let's just say I was an annoying pest/nuisance at Walnut Road and when I got my fresh start at Green Timbers in the 6th grade, I rose to became the well-known, random, hyper Nancy Le...(being in Choir really boosted my popularity that year. :)

In relation to Enver Creek, had my mother not quit, had I not transferred to Green Timbers, I would not have attended that high school. 

Analyzations: Introduction

Everyone's life is based on a choices that they make and events that happen to them. When you take a step back and take it all in, recounting all these events and choices, there are a couple of things that may or may not have happened had a particular event not happen, or a particular choice not made.

Even though this may seem boring to you, and even though this may be a waste of time to read, I find it interesting so I am going to do this on my blog through a series of "Analyzation" blogs. 

Of course, I could trace it all the way back to my parents and their choice to get together, but I don't feel like going that far back so...I will start with my elementary school move...

Paradox

Jesus the Christ.

5:46am

Awake at 5:46am because I can't keep on trying to sleep. Even though I should be sleeping all the way to 6am and waking up even later than that if I could...I was so tired yesterday after not swimming much at all and today I get the pleasure of swimming three events, two of which I am not too taken with. 100 meters of Breaststroke. 100 meters of Backstroke.

This season, my coach was all like "Pick two stroke that are your strongest/ you want to get better at/ you want to swim in Regionals and we'll work on them the most"... Of course, my choices are Butterfly and Freestyle...Butterfly because even though it is tiring, it's beautiful, impressive, and smooth...and Freestyle because...it's Freestyle...It's always been my best. So this meet, I'm not completely sure who entered us helpless swimmers, but I got entered in these events instead. not that I really really really care very much after all, I did say that I didn't mind being put in any event...but it just makes me just a little more nervous. Maybe....Possibly...I don't know...


So today... three events. 50 Fly (YAY!!!) 100 Breaststroke [Yay...] 100 Backstroke [...]
But oh well, the whole meet will be over by tomorrow. And then I'll have the entire day to sleep if I so choose...and this whole cycle of swimming and meets and morning practices will end by the time 12th grade starts. That's a depressing thought...But anyways...I'll probably go do another blog or waste some time on Facebook because she's comin' over to give me a ride...

And Then The World Blew Up

Goal: write a story including these elements: a pterodactyl, a bowl of cereal, some curtains, spiderman on a unicycle and a banana in disguise.

Once upon a time, there was a bowl of cereal named Tyler. Each morning, he would partake in cannibalism. One day when he opened his curtains to let the morning light in, he looked up to see a pterodactyl.

Just then! Spiderman came rolling in on a unicycle and exclaimed "Haha! You can't catch me! You're just a bowl of cereal!!!"

"Au contraire, Mr Spidey!" he said as he whipped off his costume "I am a banana!"

And then the world blew up. The End.

Do the Butterfly

[I don't think you'll care about this but fine, keep reading...]

I think that butterfly is the hardest stroke to do and do well. It's hard because after the first couples lengths, you feel the burn in your muscles and it keeps getting harder and harder to push to the end.

I want to get better at fly. I really want to be fast and be able to do my best. BUT IT'S SO HARD. I'm fine the first 50, I'm okay the second 5o...and after that, I'm basically drowning, last 5o...I'm dead. Dead tired, more like... I feel like I could have been so much better if only I hadn't had that cough and I hadn't missed a little over half of all the practices in May and June. But the time for complaining is over. The time for killing myself, drowning, and working my face off is here.

The thing is, if you have a really really really crappy kick, you're not gonna go very far, unless you have like crazy arms. Also, you won't go very far if you completely forget the fact you have legs...which is me. Yes...I forget about my legs... So now, I have decided that I'm going to pretending that I'm just doing butterfly kick while I'm doing butterfly....so I'm gonna try and forget the fact that I have arms. 'cause you can't really forget your arms during butterfly...it's very hard to forget the things on your side that feel like they keep on gaining weight with every stroke.

I'm really glad I know how to swim. It's easy to impress them non-swimmers...They're all like "OMG! YOU'RE SO FAST" when secretly, you know you're basically last in every race you do.

Dang! My secret's out.


:P

My New Hobby

I wish. I wish. I wish. I think you all know what I wish. I just wish...*sigh*
No way, I am not in anyway complaining...I'm just being very impatient right now. It's just, lately, I have discovered a new hobby of mine. I've always wanted to do this and now that I've gotten a couple of chances to, it's even more awesomer than I imagined it would be. Unfortunately for me, it's kind of hard to do this thing.....anyways..................................................................................................



I really need to start being patient. But OMG!...........................I guess I'll just have to wait and see. :(








































;)

Two is Better Than One?

Oddly Satisfied

In an ideal world, things would always happen perfectly, on their own accord without any effort on our part. Things would just fall perfectly into place easily and without strain, like it was all just meant to be. Well, life's not like that. The world's not like that.If you want something, you have to go get it yourself...There's no waiting around business, a hundred bucks isn't just gonna fall into the palm of your hand...well, rarely so. And I say rarely because even though this is the ideal world we are living in...it's a pretty randomized one, so there are some instances where things like finding ten bucks on the ground happens. Aside from money, there are other things that may or may not occur "randomly". And when I say "randomly", I mean not random at all. I mean, things that you've always wanted to do, but you've just never been able to find the nerve to do it. So...when these "random" things happen, I feel very satisfied.

I'm glad I did it. :)