Time

Tonight, I have realized that I waste a lot of time. And that my planning skills suck. I find myself constantly captivated by Facebook and the trivial musings of my 'friends' when I could be and should be using my time to call up post secondary institutions and applying at lifeguard jobs. I find that one of my biggest problems is discipline.
My future seems like a big question mark. Well, not all of it, but just the career path. I really wish that I had just dived into a portfolio making program or that I started calling up institutions more and finding out more information about things like that. Now, I just find myself being sad and feeling behind and unaccomplished. I'm no closer to my desired destination in life than I was a year ago.

My boyfreiend, says that I have time to think about my future and I don't need to start making decisions right now, but really.. I do... Either I make decisions about that school I go to what courses I'm taking or I just quit school altogether. Let's be honest here, I am not fully interested in my english classes and general studies shit. It's just something that I can do to not seem that I'm slacking in life...to seem like I'm on my way to some place great. And I really don't have much time to figure out my life because if all goes to plan, I'll be having kids in my mid 20's which leaves me around half a decade before I have to dedicate my life to my babies!!! *sigh* stupid me.

Another thing that bothers me which shouldn't is tuition cost. I'm afraid of a big price tag. I have never been raised to roll around in green stuff or spend it on anything other than necessities. But now, I'm realizing that I'll either sacrifice my dream career or a couple thousand dollars for a less that optimum job that'll help keep my future family afloat. Or worse, I'll get stuck in some office job that I do not completely enjoy and I'll regret not spending that 30k on the future I crave. I mean, right now, I guess I understand why it scares me.. I have no money. But if I envision myself a decade from now with a life that is less that amazing... and yearning for that job that I don't have...and will no longer have the time to run after... the way I see it right now at 4:31am on a sunday morning is that right now, I've got nothing to lose.


I am so frazzled. And so ignorant. I have no idea where I'm headed in life.

Changing

Things are changing. Life is changing. Life is happening...and I'm scared.
But excited in a way as well.
But I'm more scared...what's gonna change? am I going to be able to let go of the people who choose to let go of me? Am I going to be happy with my situation in life in ten years time? Or am I just going to be filled with regret. Only the Lord knows and it's him where I put my trust in. So I guess I shouldn't worry but I lay my life in the hands of the Lord. Still...I wish I knew his plan.

5:24pm

:)

You know what? Sometimes...I like chocolate.

Boyfriend

I have one.
The end.

Guy hopping.

I don't wanna be that girl.

Good Bye High School

The relationship we shared was great. I had many memories made with you. But it's over now. Time to move on. but no matter how easy it seems that it should be, it's not. I'm going to miss you a lot high school. :(


High school is over. It's done. I'm gonna miss it a lot. But I must focus on the future... New things will happen now. Like Kwantlen... and more chilling with buddies. It is summer after all. And I have graduation to still look forward to. :)
also, all the people from high school that I probably won't end up keeping in touch with... those are the people that just weren't meant to be in my life long term. And that shouldn't be a sad thing.

Siphon

So...

Plan A: The Moving House
Live in a car because we're too poor to own a house in the Lower Mainland. Your mom gets to live in the trunk,andthe kids get the back seat. Since I'm sick all the time, you'll drive me to the hospital in our house because you don't knowhow to take care of me....or make real food...Speaking of food, where are we gonna eat??? On the hood of the car? :/
OH. andwe'll be too poor to afford gas so...we'll have to siphon gas from neighbours....or just other people..since we won't live in a neighbourhood. oh my.

Plan B: An Actual House
So incase we actually have the poor luck to actual have a house....we're getting a hot tub. But only for the pre-child stage because if we have a kid, we'll probably be too busy to enjoy the hot tub...Also,we get no satellite or cable or whatever...but we'll just have like..some sort of device to watch les films on. Or we could have a mini theatre with a projector and stuff...heheheh.