1 Corinthian 13 and my problems with it.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails."

"...it keeps no record of wrongs." Love keeps no record of wrongs. 

This is the part of 1 Corinthians that I had a problem following when I first read it. I've always been judgmental and looking down on others for their faults, exalting myself as better than them because I didn't have those problems. But that's not how Christ would act. That's the opposite of how he did act when he came down to us.

Christ is God. God is Love. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Where there is remorse, there is forgiveness and that is why it is so freeing to be a Christian. 

Not only does being a Christian allow me to be forgiven by the God of the Universe, but wanting to be more like Christ helps me to forgive others when they fall short of His glory as well. 

Love is all kinds of wonderful things, but a lot of time we think it's wonderful when someone treats us with the Christ-love that we need and we don't try to imitate it ourselves. That was my problem anyways. 

Was my problem.

Is no longer my problem. 

Because of Jesus, I have the power to understand and forgive. Even though I may be hurt, disappointed, unhappy, and any other negative thing...even though I may feel all that or even WANT to feel all that, those feelings are made so small compared to my feelings of understanding and wanting to help the person I love, whoever that may be. 

Because Christ has the love to forgive me, I can and I do have the love to forgive others.

Music

If there was a surefire way that I could have a career in music and have some security in it...I would totally go for it...but I'm too scared. Too afraid. I shy away from the discipline of it and I get discouraged in the face of people who are better than me. You know why they are better than me? Because they practice and I don't! that is why. I wish I practiced. I wish it was something I made time for. I wish I was sucked on to the interwebs. You know what I am going to change that. I am going to make something of myself and I am going to enjoy it.
I feel like a poo.

Time

Tonight, I have realized that I waste a lot of time. And that my planning skills suck. I find myself constantly captivated by Facebook and the trivial musings of my 'friends' when I could be and should be using my time to call up post secondary institutions and applying at lifeguard jobs. I find that one of my biggest problems is discipline.
My future seems like a big question mark. Well, not all of it, but just the career path. I really wish that I had just dived into a portfolio making program or that I started calling up institutions more and finding out more information about things like that. Now, I just find myself being sad and feeling behind and unaccomplished. I'm no closer to my desired destination in life than I was a year ago.

My boyfreiend, says that I have time to think about my future and I don't need to start making decisions right now, but really.. I do... Either I make decisions about that school I go to what courses I'm taking or I just quit school altogether. Let's be honest here, I am not fully interested in my english classes and general studies shit. It's just something that I can do to not seem that I'm slacking in life...to seem like I'm on my way to some place great. And I really don't have much time to figure out my life because if all goes to plan, I'll be having kids in my mid 20's which leaves me around half a decade before I have to dedicate my life to my babies!!! *sigh* stupid me.

Another thing that bothers me which shouldn't is tuition cost. I'm afraid of a big price tag. I have never been raised to roll around in green stuff or spend it on anything other than necessities. But now, I'm realizing that I'll either sacrifice my dream career or a couple thousand dollars for a less that optimum job that'll help keep my future family afloat. Or worse, I'll get stuck in some office job that I do not completely enjoy and I'll regret not spending that 30k on the future I crave. I mean, right now, I guess I understand why it scares me.. I have no money. But if I envision myself a decade from now with a life that is less that amazing... and yearning for that job that I don't have...and will no longer have the time to run after... the way I see it right now at 4:31am on a sunday morning is that right now, I've got nothing to lose.


I am so frazzled. And so ignorant. I have no idea where I'm headed in life.

Changing

Things are changing. Life is changing. Life is happening...and I'm scared.
But excited in a way as well.
But I'm more scared...what's gonna change? am I going to be able to let go of the people who choose to let go of me? Am I going to be happy with my situation in life in ten years time? Or am I just going to be filled with regret. Only the Lord knows and it's him where I put my trust in. So I guess I shouldn't worry but I lay my life in the hands of the Lord. Still...I wish I knew his plan.

5:24pm

:)

You know what? Sometimes...I like chocolate.

Boyfriend

I have one.
The end.

Guy hopping.

I don't wanna be that girl.